L a s t S u m m e r;

Sunday, July 24, 2005

heartache

am back frm hk... geez so god damn tired.. i think i walked n walked n walked n walked n walked... n didt buy much things. :(

realized theres a major problem with me... i find it very hard to trust someone. maybe it stems frm me having been lied to too many times previously n finally acknowledging that to lie is human. anyone who doesnt lie, is lying. hence i'm nt able to really believe in anything told me to or in love.

seriously, why do ppl wanna fall in love? imo, it causes too much pain. frm the beginning of quarrels, talkings, getting sick of talking, making a final attempt to talk, giving up, nt caring, breaking up, patching back, breaking up, feeling horrible, dragging on and finally letting go and seeing him with someone new, which part of the process doesnt hurt? it's only a matter of hw deep that's all.

recently saw an ex getting into a new relationship. saw some photos etc. feeling is kinda weird. maybe it's becoz i'm more of a denial kinda person, usually dont want to know anything if possible. but somehw i still saw. first feeling is anger. yea i know we're no longer committed to each other shldnt feel this way, plus having someone too, all the more shldnt feel this way n i chose to leave him. yea yea yea i know so dont bother reminding me. it's juz that, think like a wk ago, juz heard him telling me something like all his life he only loved one girl n will only love one girl and will wait for that one girl n wont give up (i suppose it's kinda clear to this point that this girl is me) bla bla bla, and i was like, aiya come on stop lying. i rem telling him that it was all the lies that tore everything apart and all the lies that made me who i am today. call me anything, skeptical, paranoid, insecure, wateva. n if we really were to be able to become frens somewhere down the road, try being honest with me for once. and i felt angry. very angry. honestly i dont really care if i'm his one n only for eternity or for the history or whether i was eva one n only (which i highly doubted), but i hate being treated like i've got no brains, no eyes, no ears, like i'm some kinda vegetable, so motionless that even when it's obvious i know the truth, others can still tell me things like, "it's true! why cant u juz believe me this once?" OH PLS! i might not be like damn smart but like give me some credit or respect.

wateva really. still i wanna wish him n his new start all the best n may they be able to share that something special we tried so hard to have in those past yrs. it's really time to say gdbye.

xx signed off at 12:24 AM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

pissed

am totally and completely pissed with the entire world. think it's my job.

i hate my life now man. all components of it. job, love every single thing. yeah i'm not an understanding person. so? i'm not obliged to be understanding to every fucking person in this world am i?

aqh fuck it man. i dont really care. all can go to hell for wateva matters.

xx signed off at 1:08 AM

Friday, July 01, 2005

tsk tsk

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

xx signed off at 1:28 PM